Beady eyed black tie
by nariB
Summary: An unfortunate event gives Jack and Ianto a new perspective on each other
1. Chapter 1

Beady eyed black tie

Chpt 1 Casual Observations

Disclaimer: Unfortunately not mine.

Jack liked nothing better than to stand quietly at his office door and watch Ianto.

He was in Jacks opinion an extremely watchable creature. He chuckled quietly to

himself at that last thought.

The object of his viewing pleasure was standing quietly, looking somewhat

perplexed, staring at the small pool of water that was perpetually gathered at the

base of the hubs operations centre. Jack wondered if he was remembering the

tragedy that had befallen there. Was he seeing Lisa when he looked into the

grimy water. He saw Ianto small melancholy shudder. Briefly his co-worker and

lover look in his direction, noticing him for the first time. As quickly as he made

eye contact Ianto broke it again turning once more to the pool of water.

He watched as Ianto leant down a little, though not as much as he used to, and

touch the surface before recoiling with an undignified squawk. God knows Jack

tried not to laugh at the sight but there was little he could do. He gulped quickly

as he noticed Ianto turn with a look of fury on his face, his beady eyes blazing

with annoyance. He walked forward and helped Ianto up. Jack had been with

many creatures in his time, tall, short, blue, pink and green, quadrupeds, bipeds

and tentacled but he would be the first to admit that Ianto held a special place in

his heart, this beautiful, brave and loyal man recently rather unfortunately turned penguin.

TBC……


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Tap………………………………..tap…………………………..tap…….tap….tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap……………………….Squawk!

Jack could hear Ianto typing, slowly at first and then frenzied, till it ended with an abrupt squawk. He shot away from Tosh's computer and into his office. Rounding the door he came to an abrupt halt. Ianto had a look of cold fury and indignation, not to mention a keyboard attached to his little face. In his haste to finish his report he appeared to have gotten the end of his beak caught in the keyboard. Little wings flapped uselessly, but they did have the unfortunate side effect of overbalancing him. Jack watched in slow motion as Ianto tilted to his left. Suddenly all that was visible was a small penguin ass and the tail end of a keyboard as he nose (would that be beak Jack mused) dived onto the floor. Ianto snapped upright, giving an exaggerated shudder, shot Jack a look that spoke of painful death if he laughed, and walked, well more waddled from the office, with more dignity than a penguin really should.

Ianto stood silently beside the pond that was permanently at the bottom of the hub. Jack watched him give a forlorn little penguin sigh. His small orange crested feathers swayed slightly and he shifted his weight from foot to foot. Macaroni penguins were 25inches of restless energy for the most part; this stillness saddened Jack.

Ianto looked up as Jack approached. He really didn't need another lecture on how he was still a useful member of the team, blah, blah and blah humbug. He watched Jack, taking in his angular features, being a penguin gave him a unique view of the Captain, not least of due to no longer having colour vision, Jack permanently looked like a hero in a 1940's movie. He watched as Jack knelt down beside him, felt the Captains arm gather him up and give him a light chaste kiss on his head.

"You know I love you." he whispered

Picking Ianto up, cradling him in his arm and rubbing his back comfortingly, he carried him back to the office. Ianto looked at him, his crest twitching in confusion.

"Now lets try this again." Jack said, placing a new keyboard in front of Ianto. With an air of resignation he bent to peck at the keyboard, almost immediately his beak slipped between the keys.

"Hmmmmm" he heard Jack muse. He could hear the other man rummage in his desk for a moment. Then a triumphant "ah ha!"

Ianto felt his head being grabbed and much to his horror found that Jack had jammed an eraser onto the end of his beak.

"There you go problem solved. Go on try it out" Jack gestured to the keyboard then to Ianto and in case Ianto didn't understand he cupped the back of the penguins head and repeatedly tapped it off the keyboard for good measure.

There were days Ianto wished he worked in the post office.

TBC….


	3. Chapter 3

Jack watched as Ianto stared at the pool of water. He looked deep in thought. Jack knew that he came here everyday at the same time and just stared at the still surface for a short while before heading off about the hub. He wondered if Ianto was remembering Lisa and the nightmare that had unfolded not 10ft from where his lover now stood. He could see the little Macaroni's orange crest flutter slightly. He knew it was a sign that he was contemplating something. Suddenly Ianto's head shot up quickly looking around; if Jack didn't know better he would say that the penguin looked positively sneaky. He backed himself into the office to remain hidden from Ianto's view.

He could see him shift from foot to foot, extending his short neck to give him a better view of the Hub. Jack knew Owen was in autopsy elbow deep in entrails. Gwen and Tosh were running errands outside. He saw Ianto look towards his office but obviously he could not see Jack from his vantage point, that self-same vantage point currently being a mere 23inches from toe to eyeball.

Ianto looked through the dark forbidding surface, shuddering a little, leaving Jack wondering what dark thoughts occupied the others mind. He could see the very moment the Ianto came to a decision. His shoulders relaxed and he settled more onto his haunches, it looked like a great weight had been lifted from that little body, his crest lifting upwards, resolute. Jack felt his heartbreaking just a little more for his lover. He recognised that Ianto had always been a serious young man who carried responsibilities far beyond his years and the events of the last 18 months were enough to break even the strongest amongst them. Of course being a penguin probably didn't help much, the Captain mused.

Suddenly Jack was hit with a terrifying thought, what if Ianto had decided it was too much. Feeling as if he had been punched in the gut he ran at top speed down to the large puddle only to stop short as he spotted Ianto launching himself into the air and dive with what could be described as a joyful squawk into the puddle and slide on his belly across the surface. The penguin flipped onto his back and with a languid kick spun himself like a leaf on a pond's surface, utterly unaware in his abandon that he was being watched by a grinning Jack.

The entire exercise lasted less than a minute before Ianto hopped out on the far side, shook himself off and waddled causally towards the kitchen.

Some days being a Penguin was just perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Ianto looked exhausted. Jack knew he had spent all day cleaning up around the Hub. He didn't say anything because he suspected that the little penguin needed to feel useful. He watched now from the boardroom as Ianto wearily hopped up the steps and wandered into his office and around his desk for perhaps the twentieth time that day. He had seen him earlier crossing the Hub floor with some small sticks in his mouth which had obviously dropped from Myfanwy's nest, then later with a stray feather that someone had tracked in on a boot, followed by what he suspected was some of Myfanwy's dung. He was truly a penguin on a mission.

Ianto emerged once more from the office, he seemed restless, he made his way warily over to a pillar and stood still as stone, his little beady eyes looking calculating. Shifting his gaze around Jack tried to see what had peeked Ianto's interest. Everything looked normal. He knew Owen was in autopsy, Tosh was tapping away at her keyboard monitoring rift activity and Gwen was, well doing whatever Gwen did when she wasn't shouting at him. Jack looked again, yep, Ianto was definitely staring at Gwen. Curious and curiouser, the little penguin was definitely up to something. He watched as the little head peeked out from behind the pillar and then snap back as if he had been burned. Gwen had looked in his direction. He saw Ianto tap his foot impatiently and look again. It was as if he wanted Gwen to leave the area. Well what Ianto wanted, Jack would make sure he got.

"Gwen, I'm sorry for asking, is there any chance you could get me a coffee, I'm in the middle of something and can't leave" he asked over the headset, he knew she would bitch but he was curious to see what Ianto was up to. Gwen shot a daggered look in his direction, but answered,

"Sure Jack" He quickly hid the fresh cup of coffee he had on his desk and watched as she walked towards the kitchen grumbling to herself.

He say Ianto tense, look swiftly around then dart with astonishing speed towards Gwen's station. Most of it was a blur, one second Ianto was standing still, next he was buried in Gwen's bag rummaging like his life depended on it. He flipped upright, looked furtively around and darted to Jacks office, a look of utter triumph on his face.

Jack was right, Gwen had bitched, but he didn't care, Ianto had looked happy and in Jacks world that's all that mattered.

He finished up the last of his conference calls. Ianto's behaviour still bothered him. Logging onto to the Internet he called up penguin behaviour. After scrolling through a couple of articles he found what he was looking for. He read it slowly, then, shaking his head he read it again, a huge grin spreading across his face. He felt elated and if truth be told proud. Standing up, he switched off his computer and made his way to his office. Rounding his desk he found Ianto, all 25 inches of him, standing beside a somewhat haphazardly constructed nest, with his chest puffed out, his flippers and head in an upright position, holding Gwen, his apparent love rival's, captured mobile phone charm in his beak.

"So decided to formally court me have you? " Jack asked.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Jack has noticed since Ianto had officially started courting him, he has become ridiculously territorial. He suspects that the penguin was merely indulging himself, as he knew Ianto still retains most of his human mind.

Gwen it seemed is Ianto's favourite target, evident by an occasional peck here and subtle poop in her handbag there. He has taken to surprise attacks on her at the most inopportune moments. Just that morning Jack had had to pull Gwen away from strangling the little Macaroni penguin. When he had finished admonishing them both he could have sworn that the penguin had smirked. Yes, it was definitely a smirky beak.

It should have come as no surprise, therefore, when Ianto upped the ante. It had been a busy day, as was evident by the three additional Weevils in the cells. They were all trying to wind down. Owen was furtively watching porn on his monitor, whilst Tosh was updating their files. (Ianto had flat out refused to type them up after the eraser incident). Gwen had gone to get coffee and was returning in better form. Jack should have known something was afoot. Ianto was nowhere to be seen. He had checked the nest, the kitchen, the cells and in somewhat of a panic Myfanwy's nest, he had even cast an eye over the still water at the bottom of the hub.

"Jack, coffee's here" Gwen stepped down off the bottom step. She smiled as Jack came to the office door. Then frowned, feeling a sudden prickling sensation of unease at the back of her neck. She looked around, eyes narrowed, her body tensing. Something was wrong.

It took only a moment and that moment was one of the most majestic and beautiful things that Jack had every seen. Ianto launched himself from the bottom of the still pool, four feet in the air, shrieking like a banshee, eyes ablaze with singular mayhem, wings flapping, flippers, well, flipping and landed a penguin roundhouse directly onto Gwen's sternum. Two cups of coffee flew backwards and skidded under the stairs.

"The boy's got skills" Jack thought proudly to himself as he watched the ninja penguin connect with sureness to his target.

There was much puffing of chest as Ianto happy danced on his enemy's nay perceived rival's, chest, before raising his head and expelling an ecstatic warriors victory cry. Perhaps sensing that Gwen was recovering, he leapt from her prone body and darted behind Jack's legs, seeking shelter with his mate.

"Where is he? Where is the little bastard" Gwen rose with fury in her eyes.

"Now Gwen" Jack said holding his hands out it front in the most placating manner he could muster "I'm sure he didn't mean it, it is probably some penguin characteristic, maybe he didn't see you there"

"Didn't see me, didn't see me" Gwen's voice rose and octave "The little shit danced on me"

"Aw come on Gwen, you shouldn't anthropomorphize him. It was nothing of the sort" Jack lied as he picked up the little penguin fiend and backed into his office hastily closing the door behind him.

Gwen stood rooted to the spot, staring at the captain as he retreated holding the culprit in his arms, quietly swearing her revenge……..

TBC …next : the beginning of a war and quite possibly a plot!


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6 Interlude

This is a brief interlude before the great penguin!Ianto vs Gwen war…..

Owen was tired, dog-tired. He had spent all day dissecting a particularly nasty tentacle like creature that a local had found, much to her surprise, in the kiddies pool. The suckers were proving to be nasty little buggers; he had showered twice already to get rid of the sticky little things. All he wanted to do now was sit down for 20 minutes and enjoy a sneaky larger. None of the cold American crap for him tonight, no tonight he wanted a full-headed warm malty beverage he would need to chew through.

He walked to the top of the autopsy and furtively checked around for his coworkers. With no sign of them in the immediate area he happily made his way down to the bottom of the hub to where he knew Ianto was waiting, having deposited him there an hour earlier.

Now Owen was a man who was self aware, he knew he was a bastard at times, but he was a very smart and inventive bastard. For all his flaws he was an excellent scientist, with an insatiable curiosity and a drive to understand the physical nature of things, so whilst he never paid much attention to Ianto at the best of times, even now when he was in his penguin form, nobody should have been surprised to discover that he had researched Macaroni penguins extensively.

He had studied everything he could, from the migratory habits, to it's nesting and mating rituals. What caught his attention were the repeated descriptions of how it stood steadfastly incubating its egg. It would endure all manner of hardship to guard its young, it would stand immobile for weeks on end. It was obvious to Owen that Ianto had been actively courting Jack for a week now and he suspected the little Macaroni may be getting a little broody.

He reasoned as he knelt down in front of the immobile little penguin that he was actually doing the strange little creature a favour. He ignored the death glares the beady eyes were giving him as he rummaged under its belly and pulled out his nicely warmed beer can.

"Thanks mate" he said as he walked away ignoring the indignant squawks of the bird behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

Penguin!Ianto was happy. He had spent the day in his nest leaning against Jacks leg, occasionally shuffling to get more comfortable whilst Jack had absently fed him Mackerel in sunflower oil (well a penguin has to have standards). The nest had come on very well after he had gotten over the initial structural issues, and consulted a couple of videos on eHow. It was closing in on 5pm when he had felt the urge to go for a dip. Resolutely he had hopped from his (his and Jacks as he thought of it) nest shook himself off and wandered down to his pond with Jack in tow.

It must be said that Gwen had never considered herself a vindictive person. Sure she knew she could be loud and demanding, but vindictive? no. There, however, comes a point where a woman has been pushed too far, where passivism no longer applies, where action must be taken. She had thought that penguin Ianto was acting on animal instinct, but the more she thought about it, the more it occurred to her that his little guerilla war was being executed with a level of cunning that frankly surpassed the capabilities of any penguins she had seen at the zoo. To paraphrase Yogi Bear, _"he was definitely smarter than your average penguin BooBoo_". Well, Gwen thought, she was no BooBoo and the little git was going to feel the full wrath of a pissed off, slightly pms suffering welsh woman. Although she would deny it later she did indeed briefly cackle evilly at the thought.

She had been run off her feet and as such had forgotten all about her carefully laid plan, that was until she saw Ianto leave the Captains office followed by Jack and make their way down to his pool. She quickly logged out of the mainframe and made her way silently to the top of the stairs for a good look.

Ianto shuffled briefly from one foot to the other at the side of the water, bouncing his little penguin butt, loosening himself up for the leap in. He felt a good entry into the water was important, not just hydro-dynamically speaking but also to impress his mate. Perhaps on later reflection if he had paid more attention to the water and less to trying to impress his partner he would have suspected something was amiss. He hopped back three steps before launching himself high in the air, and cut through the water with a fluid grace, or not. He got halfway into the pond before he discovered he was truly stuck. His feet flapped uselessly in the air as tried to unwedge himself. His little bum stuck upright at a 45 degree angle. Nothing he could do could budge his body. He could feel pressure on his flippers then a sharp tug. There was a wet pop as he was pulled by Jack from the solid goo that should have been water.

Slightly dazed he looked around, his eyes narrowing in suspicion as he looked towards the top of the stairs and saw Gwen doubled over in laughter. His eyes opened as she unfurled a bag labeled gelatin and stuck her tongue out at him before skipping merrily away. He looked at Jack, who nodded sympathetically at him.

"I know Ianto, righteous vengeance must be had" The penguin nodded sagely, dislodging a large slurp of boo from his head, this is why he loved Jack, penguin or not Jack got him.

TBC… Next … Hostilities are called off when Ianto goes missing


End file.
